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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Autopilot Parents, Materialism, and Parental Outsourcing

I look at some kids today and I wonder, "How on Earth did these kids become so savage and spoiled?"    Then I look at the parents and it becomes pretty evident.  Really, some parents have no business having kids. The stuff today's youth gets away with would have justified much more than your typical butt whoopin' (hey, we came out fine, after all)!  Perhaps that is mean to say but I am not alone on this.

When you have parents trying to outsource parental jobs and put their duties on autopilot (that DVD player is not a babysitter, BTW), you can't help but feel it's a proverbial big slap to the face for those of us that really take a personal interest in families and molding the future: our youth.  Mind you, our blog focuses on the issues revolving around the delicate work-life balance so we can appreciate that some parents are too busy to put in that extra effort.  Still, you have to wonder if some parents are just plain lazy and irresponsible.

I discussed these ideas recently with a few parents and our very own Mommie (note the capital "M") felt compelled to write about it so I'll let her take the stage...  --Yomar

Do you put your child at risk by going into autopilot mode?  [ Courtesy: ]

Ok so over the weekend I ran into some people that I don't usually talk to, never really did, never really wanted to but over the years have had to and some things they said/did really REALLY irritated me.  I admit this is a bit of a rant but I feel that some of you out there may identify with this so here goes...

Let me begin with a bit of a disclaimer: if I offend you I am sorry but some people, like the ones I will be discussing, should not be parents.

Now, some background on me is I'm a FTM (first time mom) to a beautiful baby girl, but dont let that fool you, I have a big family so I have learned a lot of things, and I have seen my fair share of situations.  I hope that gives you some perspective on where I'm coming from.  I am not pretending to be an expert or even an authority here but I feel I have enough experience to speak to this topic here...

So like I was saying, when I saw these people that day it was the first time that they saw my daughter, and of course the questions come in like what are you feeding her and how much, what am I doing, yada yada yada. So to kind of nip most of the questions in the bud when they asked me how I was doing I transitioned into that I breastfeed and that right now I'm a SAHM (stay at home mom).  So the guy's comment was "you don't have her in daycare yet?" I said no and he continued to say (forgive my language but in order for you to really get the idea I must say it):

"Shit, I had mine in there when they were three weeks old because I didn't want to deal with them".

When I heard this not only did I get very offended because I felt that he was saying that I should have and that it's bad that I haven't and furthermore made me realize why his kids are the way they are (suffice to say they are not exactly poster children).

I told him that I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home and bond with my daughter and he just gave me a strange look.  Quite awkward.  A few minutes later, his wife decided to tell my sibling that they could use the portable DVD player to keep himself and my daughter entertained so they didn't bother me or my mom.

This hit me a little harder because I realized that's what they did, they would turn on a movie and plop their children in front of it. Again I was further offended because that's not what I wanted to do with my daughter and they were basically telling him to, as if I had no say in how to raise my child.  Really?

In my head I was screaming "who the hell are you to tell him what will entertain her?" because in all actuality my daughter may look at the TV cause she likes the colors but she doesn't sit there watching it.  I'm trying to be a lot more productive with her so I don't want to sit her down in front of it.  Please understand that I am not saying parents that let their kids watch TV are, without a question, bad parents, but I do feel it's what some lazy parents focus on.

The folks in question are very materialistic. They get their children whatever they can so that it will keep them occupied and not bother them, and so that they could all brag about it.  I mean come on!! 

What is more important?: that you have an X-Box and a big flat screen TV in every room or that your child knows who you are and knows how to interact?  Surely, it's a matter of values and principles, which this family sadly lacks.  There's no real family bonds there, just a superficial show for all to see.  I wish I could say this is rare today but it is not, unfortunately.

This family, in fact, is on auto-pilot.  What they are doing is more important then their children knowing them and bonding (the one child actually had on fake nails, really long fake nails at that, and she is only 10 years old).  They will do only what will keep the child busy or entertained for the longest amount of time (with the least investment of themselves).  It makes me very sad when I see or think about these children because they are downright awful, to each other, other people, and even their own parents because they have gone into what I like to call give me mode because they expect them to just keep giving them things or their way and if they don't get it they will nasty until they get it.

On another note his wife asked me why I haven't pierced my daughter's ears yet (I must have missed the memo stating this was mandatory for all girls under the age of one)..  Excuse me, my daughter is almost 6 months old and because of the things I have witnessed (for instance I saw a child who ears were pierced early on and the hole had "moved" because her ears grew).  I have decided to wait until my daughter is a year and a half because of that and because she pulls off her headbands now, pulls on her ears, and I don't want her to infect them because of it or pull it and hurt herself.  So she looked at me and told me to bring her back at that time and *SHE* will pierce them.  Heeellooo!!!  This is my daughter and *I* will choose who will pierce them and when.

It's all about looks and material things for them and it drives me CRAZY.  Since they have done this stuff for/to their children, not considering the repercussions and implications of it all, I believe they should not be parents.  Please, please, PLEASE give your kids up to someone who actually wants children and not a mere tax write-off.  Thanks!

Yes, I understand that some children do have to go into daycare because the parents have to work.  This is not the case with the "lovely" couple in question.  Her husband sat there and said that he put them in daycare because he didn't want to deal with them and he wishes that his 2 year old was already a pre-teen cause he's tired of dealing with her. OMG!!!  Really?

Now, mind you, that was his 2nd child because the other two aren't really his (he's quite verbal about that fact too, BTW) so he has really only dealt with one other baby. Why did you bother to have her if you hate babies and don't want to deal with them?  So you can turn them into a money-hungry greedy people.  Oh yes, I forgot: it makes you look better, doesn't it?  Great.  Oh, yeah, but because you give your child every materialistic thing you'll earn the "parents of the year" award because everyone thinks you're "oh so great" when, in all reality, you deserve the "I'm a greedy asshole and don't care what happens to my children" award.  You have my vote. *smile*

Materialism aside, children subjected to autopilot tendencies are so neglected that they face threats and risks every day.  Who knows how many near accidents have been averted.  There are so many dangers in our homes that we, as adults, take for granted.  I won't even get into that because that should be common sense (something that is not very common today, I guess).  There's so many things wrong with going into autopilot mode as a parent but, really, I'd have to write a book on the topic to even scrape the surface! 

Like I said before, some people do not deserve to be parents, and this definitely includes them.  Have you met anyone like this?  You know, the folks that feel they know better than you when it comes to parenting?  The wonderful so-called "parents" that have to force their skewed beliefs onto you because they think they're "something of a big deal"?

--Mommie To A Beautiful Baby Girl 


Check this great book deal on Amazon.  It focuses on more of the root symptoms, including socio-economic factors, that affect families today.  We have not had a chance to read this one yet but, for the price, you can't go wrong!

Perhaps this will make a good gift for some of those, ummm, interesting autopilot parents...

When the Bough Breaks: The Cost of Neglecting Our Children


Stephanie Maurer said...

Good blog! So many things to comment about, but being a real parent, I don't have time! :)

I will say that even though I work outside the home, I networked like CrAzY to keep my two children out of daycare. My daughter did have to go to one at one point though -- for two days. I call her a Daycare Dropout! LOL Two days was ALL I could stand. Holy Cow!

My two children are well-rounded, well- behaved, and well-adjusted. Why? Cuz I do a little something called parenting! :) #notrocketscience

Mommie To A Beautiful Baby Girl said...

:) exactly, what I do not understand is why they even became parents if they do not want to interact with their kids and they hate babies..RED flag in my opinion

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