The Winter Blues: Recognizing Depression & Despair In Your Life

I hope this piece on depression and how it impacts us all will help create more open dialogues about what it really looks like.  I have ongoing battles with depression myself and I can tell you it's a slippery slope once you start isolating yourself.  If you take away nothing else from this article, please remember: lean on your loved ones and don't shut them out!

If you have a pulse and have lived beyond the care free innocent years (for our purposes, we'll say the age of eleven or so), chances are you've lived long enough to experience what I call the Winter Blues.  It's that time that always seems to start somewhere before or after Christmas..  or right after the new year comes in.

Source: Zmescience.com (Not exactly rocket science.)

I guess it's something about the cold weather and spending more time indoors (unless you're a member of the Polar Bear Club, officially or not)..  Spending lots of hard-earned money on gifts meant to spread goodwill can also be part of it.  Then there's the worries of the coming new year and all that jazz...



The symptoms are simple: you feel uninspired or unmotivated (in geek terms, your feelings can be expressed as "blah" or "meh").  The slightest things can make you want to mope around, cry, or just stay in bed.  Most won't want to admit it in public but I've been there plenty of times.  Heck, as great as 2011 was for my business efforts, spirituality, and personal development, I must say other areas left a bit to be desired...

But, hey, that's life...  Just deal with it, right?

Getting a bit more intimate with the adversity I have encountered, the end of 2011 saw many great things on the horizon and a boom in business, off-set by heart break, family drama, health issues, and other not-so-fun things for me.  But, as bad as it got in the final stretch of 2011, I saw some of my close friends and colleagues take on even greater adversity.  I can't tell you how many people I know just reached out to say hello..  but there was a deeper message.


For some, the outreach becomes a desperate cry for help..  or simple despair.  Of course, popular opinion would have us believe that no one gets bummed out around the holidays and certainly not at the beginning of the new year.

If you've really been down in the dumps, you know otherwise..  Sometimes all the merriment around you just makes you more annoyed or depressed.

All around us, there are people suffering from these elusive Winter blues..  You may not know it but there's that feeling of being weighed down by issues you can't quite put your finger on.  It's a lack of satisfaction..  a longing for more..  a need for change when nothing seems to give.


Perhaps you are trying hard to look forward to better days but all you see is darkness or nothingness...

Source:  Doityourself.com  (You can do it yourself, but you don't have to do it alone.)

I've toiled with this concept for over a month now but the right words still escape me.  I can only say that, if any of this sounds vaguely familiar, you are not alone.  Here is what I've found and I hope it encourages you, as we know encouragement often lacks in today's negativity-plagued world...

Before anything, I will reiterate that you are not alone..  And don't isolate yourself, either, because we can draw strength from others when we lack it ourselves.

Christmas Could Have Been More
It's all too easy to get stuck in the trap of feeling that Christmas (or your holiday of preference) is all about the quality of gifts given and/or received..  But what about the spirit of the season?  I think we all forget what it really means.  We rediscover and reinforce old bonds, finding new ways to express our love, appreciation, and gratitude..  or that is how it should be.


Alas, I see so many people, especially parents, throwing money at problems.  They figure really great gifts can make up for lack of warmth or mistakes made, yet they forget that love is the most wonderful gift and it is free (well, monetarily speaking, of course).  Even the coolest gifts will do little to strengthen bonds if the warmth and connections are not there.


What I have also seen is that we often get into a silly competition, whereas we feel our gifts must exceed everyone else's.  That is how people spend their very last dime, just to one-up each other.  But what does that really do for us?


Instead of worrying about the things or money you lack, think about the blessings you have now and how you can share those things with others.  Think about the things you can enjoy today..  for free!




This Is Where I Was Last Year
Oh the sorrows of another year with little gained..  or much lost!
That feeling of inertia in life can be daunting indeed yet it goes back to these material and superficial wants that overshadow the needs of our hearts, souls, and minds.  Quite simply, we spend so much time looking at our pasts that our futures end up looking the same or worse.


Really, are things so bad right now?  I bet you can think of times you were much worse off.  You may also find that the so-called "good old days" are all nostalgic spin.


You can't change the past and regret is really tough to wrestle.  Why not use all that energy to set good things in motion going forward?  Besides, inventing a functional time machine may take much more than your life time, no matter how brilliant you may be!




Nothing Really Matters
You went to school, got your certifications, networked with all the right people, said all the right things..  but you still end up in the same place.  You do onto others as you would like done onto you.  You're kind, generous, considerate..  all that good stuff..  yet you're still abandoned and betrayed.


It seems like nothing you do really matters.  You're a victim to circumstance.  Why even bother trying??


Oh BOY is that a dangerous line of thought and, believe me, I have been there before!  Adversity will strike and, yes, some do get it easier than others but that does that not mean they have it better than us.  Having a victim mentality only keeps us from releasing the junk in our lives and being the best we can be.


Take control.  Realize that we don't know what others will do or go through, nor can we control others.  We can control our thoughts and what we fill our cups with.  If you fill yourself with good things, good things will come..  But it doesn't always happen when we expect it so be patient.  Believe me, it will get better!

Empty your cup and get rid of the junk that does nothing for you but bog you down.  Fill your cup with good things and realize the awesome stuff that you have to offer.  You have accomplished much and you will be even better and do more good if you believe it with unrelenting faith.

YOU are awesome! 

I Am So Alone
Loneliness is a tough one.  We often make the mistake of surrounding ourselves with many people and thinking that will dispel the feeling of loneliness but what it really takes to avoid that terrible feeling is surrounding ourselves with good people.


Relationships of any kind are always tough and there is no amount of science or logic that can make it easier.  The one thing I can say for certain is that we should hold on to relationships that are mutually beneficial but realize that the reciprocation will not ever be 50/50.  That said, avoid toxic relationships with people that are negative, love drama, or selfish.

Whoever first said "misery loves company" needs to be given a monument already!

Sometimes, we're too worried about being validated by the wrong people, yet the people that really care have accepted us just the way we are.


So what do we do to get out of this rut?


I don't have a magic solution or a pithy quote to magically fix it all.  The truth is that hurt takes a while to heal and depressiin is even tougher to deal with.


What I can offer in addition to the other tips we have shared here is this: spend more time around and interacting with positive people.  Pity parties don't fix anything, they just get you more stuck, drowning you in your pain.


It's taken me weeks to find the words that would touch you the most..  That's quite the feat since I am never at a loss for words.  I hope I have succeeded in giving the gift of hope and love.  You matter.


I faced my storms recently and things are better than ever.  I believe we're each on the brink of a major break-through but, sadly, we may give up before our time comes.  It seems my fellow blogger, Bonnie67, is thinking about the same things..  Go visit Bonnie's blog and share some love!


Bonnie67 needs your love!


#youmatter
#youmattertome
#fosteringhope *


* Great reading plan on YouVersion (available for iPad, iPhone, Android, and web).

Why Do We Reward Lazy Behavior As Parents? (A Rant)

Now, I know I have not been blogging much as of late but it's certainly not due to a lack of ideas.  In fact, I have tons of ideas but lately I find myself thinking quite a bit.  One thing I think about tons as a parent is how we can better influences for our youth and help shape a better tomorrow.

I particularly find it strange how we sometimes reward or accommodate negative or lazy behavior.  I say "we" because I am guilty of this myself.  Sometimes, as parents, we figure positive reinforcement and encouragement may bring about better things yet it doesn't always work out that way.

Check out the images below and I bet they may hit home for many of you out there.

The reality is that we are doing a huge disservice to our communities and our youth.  Think about it: when we grow up, employers don't care about excuses an are not going to bargain with us to get us to do what we are expected (and obligated to do).  Yet, somehow, we bend the rules completely for our kids.  Allow me to illustrate...

Kid:  "I am too tired.  Have someone else do it."

OR

Kid:  "I already did it last time..  It's not my turn."

How do we respond to this?  Is it something like this perhaps?

Door Mat:  "If you do it, I will buy you or let you do whatever you want!"

Of course, the exchange is usually much more involved than that.  There may be the usually "but why", "that's not fair", "this suck", and similar statements accompanied by teeth sucking, groaning, dragging of feet, and other pitiful gestures.  What is entertaining is that today's youth actually thinks they have it rough.

Little do they know just how much harder it gets!

Surely, having open an honest communicaton with our teens and tweens helps but they rarely want to admit that they are wrong, we know better, and they are just exaggerating.  I mean, today's kids are smarter and more mature..  After all, they carry cell phones! *sarcasm*

In the imaginary world of our youth, they will magically "grow up" and their bosses will be just as understanding, friendy, and accommodating as mommy and daddy.  Let's see how that works...

Big Kid:  "I am not in the mood to do any work today, boss..  Can I just watch some YouTube or go home?"

Imaginary Boss:  "Well, we really need those TPS reports today..  Tell you what, if you do this one thing today, I will double your pay rate AND buy you some Zaxby's!"

Big Kid:  "Okay, fine..  But next time find someone else to do it.  I already worked last month and now I have lots of slacking to catch up on!"

Certainly, it does not work that way in the real world so coddling our kids now is only going to prepare them for a real rude awakening.  You see, the real-life version of that exchange looks ore like this...

Big Kid:  "I know the TPS reports are late but I have already put in three 18-hour days and, with my two-hour commute each way, I am just going home to take a shower and leave again..  I'm working as hard as I can, sir!"

Impossible-To-Please Boss:  "Maybe this is not the job for you then."

Big Kid:  "No, sir..  I love working here.  I just wanted to assure you that I am making this my top priority!"

Impossible-To-Please Boss:  "Then you have two options now: get this done today or pack up your things and leave..  And don't think I will approve you for unemployment, either.  We pride ourselves at penny-pinching and screwing over our true company assets here, you know!"

The reality check of adult life is that not only are we expected to more, but there are often far less rewards and thank-yous going out, which means we have to find motivation within ourselves.  There is no negotiation, excuse-making, or trickery that works in the real world..  Well, I suppose SOME find ways to coast along their entire lives but that's besides the point!

This is why I really want to release a series of new content centered around business success an the lessons therein for kids.  Believe me, I am not some grumpy old fogey but today's youth seems might pitiful and we need to do something about it, for their sake and our own.  It all goes back to achieving that elusive work-life balance.  After all, we may wish that we could sit or lay down all day, but what sort of life is THAT?  Where's the achievemen and fufillment there?  Certainly, that's not what we want for our youth - lazy bums are not cool by any standards!

Blood Doesn't Make A Family, Caring Does

~There is so much to aim for. So much more in reach, it seems and feels to me. The online capabilities available to each one of us, from my techno-challenged Mom in New Hampshire learning to use FaceBook to stay in touch and learning to Skype to be able to see her Grandkids all the way across the country to folks blogging for an endless number of reasons and businesses, small and large, using the internet to make their products more easily available to us all.

For me, as the Manager and Chief Bottle-Washer (no pun intended, to those of you familiar with the fact that THAT, could mean just about anything!) it fell to me to put Pioneer Outfitters into “cyber-space” as Master Guide Terry Overly of Pioneer Outfitters puts it.

At first, it was exciting for me to be able to put the photos I have taken, in the years I have been here, in the mix to be seen and appreciated. Then was the incredible feeling of accomplishment (and pride) as the website took shape. Learning even more, I see that there is way more to learn before I get too excited!

We, here in Chisana, have been having a terrible time of late, with our internet connection, so the news I have been receiving from the “outside” world comes only in small broken pieces of the whole.

I have real-life friends spread all over this great big beautiful world now. Real-life friends that I met through Social Media, who care about me and mine. Who would put the effort into finding our phone numbers and calling about my little girl when she was sick with positive thoughts, advice and prayers. All this from people who have never been in Chisana, Alaska, people who have never met me or my children in any physical sense. So the answer to one of Social Media’s big and debated questions, Are Friends You Meet Online, Real?

Yes. Yes, they are.

All the wonderful feelings and teachings I have absorbed from my explorations online have given me a pretty clear set of base-rules. In consideration for those of you that have been with me for awhile, (yes, I do tend to repeat myself!) I’ll just sum them up for you, Everything you need to know about your own behavior online, in business and in your life, you learned when you were between 4 and 6 years old. Be nice. Share. Tell the truth. Be helpful. Say you are sorry. Forgive each other. Go play.

One of my online friends (and teacher) caught my eye one morning right before I lost internet connection as well having to head back out to the field this Fall. Power Blogger Bullies Baby Blogger, Threatens Lawsuit. Wow. Shame on Power Dude. I am sure that this “Baby Blogger” will come out right where she is supposed to. I only got to read a bit of what was happening, (sheesh, what have I told you? High-school FOREVER) but Mr. Bully wont get his thrills there, I am sure. “Baby” isn’t naive, shy or ignorant of the ways of the online world or the business world. (AND she follows those pesky rules...you remember, the ones you learned in Kindergarten?)

Back to the point. Oh, the point? Life continues. Life goes on. Whether we are online or not. Whether you are having a great day...or not so much. Life just continues. So why not help someone out today? Hold the door open for that lady a half a step ahead of you, smile at that guy (he might need one- you never know), answer a tweet of someone you haven’t really taken the time to get to know, let the next car pull out onto the road ahead of you (with a smile), tell your kids you love them, run your hand over a dear one’s shoulder, shoot off a message to your mom or dad and just say “hey.”

It’s all about us. Each and every single one of us can change things, and do quite often, for someone else. Just a smile can help someone remember that life is a great gift and tough shit doesn’t last forever. We are in this together (like it or not) so we hold the power. Us, together. I think we’d make a fairly incredible team.

How about you?

This Is NOT Where I Want To Be!

A few weeks ago I enjoyed a wonderful article by local pastor and spiritual leader, Dave Willis, of Stevens Creek Church here in Augusta, GA.  There, he touched upon the importance of valuing diversity, creativity, change, excellence, and, most of all, our youth.  He concluded the inspirational piece with the power of smiles.

In doing so, Dave used an analogy that really brought these points home.  He shared the magic of Disney World and why it's a place that brings us all great warmth and a feeling of belonging...

Now, I bring up Disney World and the wonderful blog post by Dave Willis to discuss how we all have those times when we say to ourselves...

This is not where I want to be! 

Remembering 9/11: Building Communities On Love And Hope

Today is a day of remembrance, reflection, and revelation for me..  and I hope it is for you, too.

I promise this will not be "just another 9/11" post.  No, today is different.  It's been a decade since the tragic events of 9-11 and, surely, our thoughts and prayers should be with the families affected by the deplorable acts committed that day.

But I'm here to share another side of this story.

You see, my financial loss and distraught that day is nothing compared to those that lost loved ones and heroes that day..  But the events are finally catching up to me and I now see what I was scared to face all these years.  I feel a solace and reverence for that day, which says a lot considering I tend to subside negative feelings with the potential for growth; that is, where others see loss and pity, I see an opportunity for something positive.

Reading Ken Mueller's reflections on 9/11 and lessons in community reminded me that today is a day for everyone, not just those mourning losses or claiming patriotic pride, though those causes are admirable and encouraged,  I reckon.  I whole-heartedly agree with Ken that tragedy tends to bring out the best in people but, with a decade now gone since that day, I lament more than the loss of lives, I lament the loss of heart we see in the world around us. 

Why is it that great tragedy and adversity have to strike before we can see the goodness in others? 

The Numbers Game VS. Warm Connections - Which Is Right For You?

A colleague of mine and someone I hope considers me a friend, Stan Faryna, pointed out that my article Tell A Friend: The Magical Power Of Ten came off as a rather bold statement.  It seems that in all my zeal I inadvertently discredited some close friends and colleagues, folks that are true heroes in my book.

Well, for that, I deeply apologize.  Let me reiterate: 

For those of you in my inner circle that have worked hard to develop a powerful personal brand and massive audience, I have no doubt that you worked hard and honestly to do so.

Now that we have cleared the air a bit, I will say that I do stand by my beliefs.  I feel that many so-called "gurus", experts, thought leaders, and influencers are mainly just broadcasting and spamming.  Maybe they got lucky or maybe some folks stood by them in spite of their selfish ways.  Who knows..  We're not here to talk about that.

Here's what I have found: some play the numbers game and others focus on warm connections (a.k.a. engaging, unmarketing, and caring).  While the numbers game is not always about spamming or insincere communications, I feel that it is more of a grind.

If you're into gambling, perhaps comparing this behavior to playing roulette may make more sense... 

[ Source:  Sales2.com ]

Let's use a social media example.  If you play the numbers game, you're sending out automated tweets and broadcasting to a large audience.  With all the stuff on Twitter streams, the chances of someone seeing your particular tweet is pretty slim. The average Twitter stream moves at around 30-50 tweets a minute at peak times and it gets crazier once you follow over 1000 people!

That scenario, in my experiences, is certainly more akin to playing roulette.  You keep playing until you "win".  Chances are that, by the time you finally hit, you barely broke even (or are still in the hole).

With that roulette-style of marketing and communication, there are too many variables to know if you just had good timing or amazing content..  Or maybe something else.  With all the tweets going out there, having your stuff noticed, let alone acted upon, is tough. 

Now, if you take the time out to really connect and interact with people in more deep, authentic, and meaningful ways, you may be added to a Twitter list or be set up as an alert/notification.  For most, that takes time and perhaps it's more time than folks are willing to invest but consider how much more you can get out of a relationship where there is more of a give and take.

I don't know about you but, if I'm going to gamble, I want to go with something that has better odds of winning. 

Tell A Friend: The Magical Power Of Ten

I've noticed quite a few of the majority of our audience, which consists of inspirational mommies and family-first bloggers, is involved in some sort of online or WFM (Work From Home) business.  As such, I figured I would share a few quick tips on how to grow your audience organically...  Without spamming.

I'd also love some support (likes, tweets, stumbles, and comments particularly),  with my Unbounce.com Conversion-Fest 2011 Blogging Contest entry. Again, without spamming..  Tell a friend, better yet, tell 10 friends!

So what the heck does organic growth really mean?

It can mean a lot of things but, for our purposes, organic is synonymous with natural.  That means you're not pushing hard on people you don't really know; instead, you leverage your warm connections, your natural market, the people that you keep up with often.  Those are the folks that trust, like, and/or respect you most.

In SEO or Inbound Marketing terms, organic growth means you are attracting people and retaining some of the new visitors to your online content.  This typically means creating content that is remarkable and significant, from a human and search engine perspective alike.  My guest article on Unbounce.com explains more on that, from a technical and people-serving perspective.

The idea is to kill the noise and the busy work that has little returns (the average traditional marketing campaign has less than a 1% conversion rate, BTW).  Focus on engaging people, rather than marketing.  Be remarkable, create some buzz, and do things that compel, motivate, and inspire others so that they'll WANT to act.

Scott Stratten says something similar in his book,  UnMarketing: Stop Marketing. Start Engaging. (affiliate link), and I would recommend that read!

Now let's see how we can promote things more naturally...